Locks Blithely Tapped: A Hazardous Coupling
by Quillon42
Summary: Looks at Saw 2: Flesh and Blood (the video game) and imagines what might have happened if John Kramer decided eff it and made Michael and Sarah join up as closely as possible for their survival.


LOCKS BLITHELY TAPPED: A HAZARDOUS COUPLING

By Quillon42

Permeated through with liquid and lassitude was a young woman painted with ink and ignominy. Sarah Blalock had been drugged then dragged to the Holmes Hotel—a resort once idle and abandoned, but now abounding with treacherous traps. Along with her, an inquisitive and intrepid individual about the same age as her had assisted in her liberation just now from a coffin-sized chamber that was filling to capacity with some sort of clear fluid, possibly aqueous for the most part but the odor of it suggested other chemicals as well.

With some chariness Sarah minded Michael, the man who had so saved her moments before. His eyes were once slits cut into a rugged but certainly handsome face; now, however, they had sparked a bit larger in surprise.

"What?"

And then Sarah looked down, noticed that the bottom of her half shirt which barely covered her midriff was even inches higher than before…and she noted as well, for the first time, a strange heaviness in her erogenous areas.

For his part, the son of Detective David Tapp took note of the fact that Sarah surely appeared much more…bodacious, from bust to trunk, than she had looked inside that glass contraption.

Huffily the girl took a smattering of instants to berate Michael for being such a pox to his parent, that same Detective David for whom Sarah brought much brightness and comfort. It was a tragedy that said Detective had allegedly offed himself since his own stint in one of the myriad jaunts of that kille…er, incidental-death-enabler known as John Kramer, or Jigsaw.

In any case, unlike in the game's mainstream trajectory in which it was Sarah who had slipped out of the water game cage first, to try and truck on out of there on her own…here it was Michael who made his way to the ladder before the other.

When a grate slammed shut above his head and thus cut off the same escape for the lovely drug addict and possible prostitute he'd helped evade a Game Over, the instincts of both survivors began to activate into overdrive once more.

 _"Hello, Micrah._

 _"You might be wondering right now why it is that, even though one of you has just rescued the other, I've separated you anew._

 _"Let me assure you that my cutting in here is just…momentary. As you may have noted a few seconds ago, I resorted to a rather…vapid…and considerably gay trend of combining both your names._

 _"That's because, in light of the gratifying interactions I've observed between Detective Tapp and you, Miss Blalock, I have come to believe that the two of you here would prove an all the more energetic pairing, what with the superior levels of energy that Michael here has."_

"You can't begin to grasp the potency that David had, you sadomasochistic sickshit," cussed Sarah while still hunched against the grate. She then began to gather herself and stand very self-consciously as

[BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTT]

an abruptly-electrified Michael slid down the ladder and as Jigsaw John went on.

 _"At any rate…no one ever said the course of true love was smooth. And Michael here is going to have to endure a very rigorous courtship, in which my blessing of your union will have to be earned…through the immediate and visceral condemnation of those who would object to your graciously coming together."_

With an ebullient burst a flood light or five shocked on, showing the outlines of three malevolent men at the shallow end of the drained basin. When Michael, gathering up from histumble managed to finally get up and squint, he could make out the two cops from the crime scene just before he was drugged…as well that asshole who won the broken glass cage race just after young Tapp first awakened in this place.

 _"You can see there are various…suitors lined up…all seeking the hand of Sarah, as well as various other body parts of hers, preferably to collect in separate containers. You, Michael, will have to best all of them, and recover from each an implement that will be necessary for the…consummation between the two of you."_

Just then as well a series of walkie-talkie-sized-and-shaped pieces of plastique rappelled down on various wires, they presences as looming and as threatening as various acolytes of Aragog in the Forbidden Forest of the Second Year of _Hairy Twatface_ , their images all too familiar to the ordinance-embattled Michael who had endured many a situation with such devices.

A rectangle with blood red digits crackled on a second later. It very frighteningly read only 00.00.10

 _"But hurry. Love can be a very fickle entity…and one can lose his poor sweetheart from courting too slow."_

 _"I would be remiss in failing to mention as well that for you, Michael, I infused a very volatile implant into your chest while you were unconscious en route to your stay at this hotel. And for you, Sarah, that same sort of implant was introduced into your pectoral area just now, in the liquids involved here with the drowning tank._

 _"Should you fail to consummate your union in the time allotted, the explosives on the wires all around, as well as the bombs in the boobs of both of you, will detonate. And this pool will be converted rather quickly from a place of pleasure…to a crater of cruor._

 _"Love or die, Sarichael…Make Your Choice…"_

00.00.10

Now Michael marked his first target, that of crooked accountant Solomon Bates who appeared to be attacking with a widened heroin hose in a halfhearted attempt to choke the protagonist out. Quickly the Detective's legacy sidestepped the bumbling bean-counter's charge and, whipping out a spare handmade lockpick he gleaned from minutes previous, drove the pronged item into the eye of his enemy. Abruptly what looked to be the first essential implement fell from Solomon's pocket as the man himself crumpled to the ground; Michael acknowledged what it was, then whistled up to Sarah. Fleetingly the fuse flew through the air and the girl nabbed it with a nimble hand, she realizing in the same beat that the heaviness in her chest became an all the more intense throbbing.

00.00.09

Then Michael moved on to the second of the "suitors," the punk Poltzer, the jackoff Joseph who told him he would never begin to amount to what his father had been as a cop. As this terrible Joseph raised his revolver to shoot David's son, the latter leapt forward and then the two found themselves tangled in a tussle to determine who would literally bite the bullet, or "eat the gun" as Jigsaw himself mentioned in a game prior. Fortunately for Tapp Part Two, he was more adept at the sport of Interracial Pistol Wrestling than was his father (who had unfortunately fallen to the reflexes of that puny pissant Zep Hindle), and Joseph soon found the mercury and silver in his mouth (from various dental filling visits) accompanied by a heaping helping of lead. It was around this point as well that Sarah discovered the gigantic point-to-point circuit board across her upper torso after she took off her shirt, and she gladly caught between her teeth an instant later the coupler that Michael recovered from the cock of a cop then chucked up to her.

00.00.08

Here Michael was left with Henry Jacobs, who had advanced with the same scissors with which he cut short Carla Song. As with an Indiana Jones faced with a ginormous galoot on his Raid for the Lost Ark, the hero in this instance too simply pointed and shot rather than engage in yet another physically- siphoning scuffle. Above, Sarah barely deflected in time, with an inked arm, the screw thrown to her as she worked through the red and orange circuit paths placed upon beauteous bags which were at present not very fun at all.

00.00.07

Resolutely Michael sprinted to back to the ladder and he hustled his way heavenward while Sarah scrabbled at the yellow, green, and blue lines that made their way across her magnificent chest. Now the grate gave way, given that Tapp Junior had just taken all three of the essential items off his foes. Alongside Sarah now he inspected the first of the cryptic things, the old fuse, and pondered frantically as to what this had to do with solving the perilous poser between himself and Sarah.

00.00.06

Sarah scrambled with the indigo and violet lines and made some wrong turns here and there with him, but in another breath or three

[BRANNNNNGGGGG]

the circuits brightened in unison and her impressive alabaster breasts emerged from their insidious steel encasings. Michael kneeled at the ready, each grinning slyly at the other, and then the brave boy brashly drove his natural nail in between those blush beautiful bulwarks.

Yet

[ENT…]

[ENT…]  
[ENT…]

the crimson lights activating insistently and intermittently upon his shoulders expressed their disdain, specifically that the man was failing now to follow the rules of the game.

00.00.05

Whisking her drenched denims off quickly, Sarah noted that her sacred place was safeguarded by what appeared to be a metallic chastity belt.

(NB: Yes, this is free association sort of, as Cary Elwes was in both Saw 1 the film as well as in Men in Tights).

Michael picked up the screw and inserted it into the demanding slot

[NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur NEEnur]

Creepily the lockpicking music played as such in the guy's mind as he worked through what must have been ten tumblers to get the unfavorable undergarment off. But then

[BAFFLAPPP]

Sarah became freed of the untoward encumbrance, and the two could resume.

00.00.04

Craving the crazed chick so much, Michael kissed at her bared belly, let his tongue run through her navel, grabbed at the comely crème of her naked ass cheeks. She in turn gripped at his chest, then at his wiry arms, then at the shotgun shells boring into the back of his makeshift flak jacket. The man was a porcupine of passion, he was an armadillo of amorousness, he was a _gato solo_ of generous sensuality as each gave in to the other in their foreplay.

00.00.03

Desiring Sarah all the more, Tapp then trundled with his tongue between and then upon the proud, perspiration-illuminated ample alpine hefty breasts of the babe with whom he was trapped. While he worked orally at the perky mechanistic knobs of her majestic nipples, Sarah cranked Michael's lovely lever again and again and again until the two were primed to climax their euphoric if horrific experience in earnest.

00.00.02

Deciding that it was probably an opportune moment to approach endgame, Michael inserted his heady hacksaw into Sarah's supple shelter.

 _"Ohh, yeah, take it all the way…"_

Frenetically the two kept going, even though each felt it a bit disgusting that their host in their monstrous manhunt, transparently monitoring them the entire time, was acting now more like a Starkweather than a Sawjigger.

Sarah elevated then descended upon the winch upon which she was forced but did not mind entirely. Her achromatic yet erotic bastions of beauty that were her denuded breasts and belly pushed out at her impromptu lover, he entering in the final coordinates needed to complete a "Micrah"-transaction most desirable…

00.00.01

[CHHHHHEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW]

Billy emerged now on a pogo stick, inches away from the panting pair.

 _"Congratulations. Sarah, you have once again found love in a world littered with lust. Michael…you have now made love for the first time."_

Tapp slapped his forehead in utter discomfiture.

 _"Now you know the real reason why I brought you here. Going this long with your family jewels…unpawned…is possibly an offense that is the most unforgivable._

 _"I would hereby advise now, though, that you both make your way back to the water booth."_

"What?! I'm not going back in there…"

[ENT…]

[ENT…]  
[ENT…]

Not only were Michael's shoulder lights acting up again…now there was something thumping all the more inside of Sarah as well. Tapp took the girl's hand and made for the see-through box.

"Come on! If we don't hurry up, we're gonna have more ENTs than _The Two_ effing _Towers_!"

"What does the World Trade Center have to do with this?!"

With much celerity the two shut themselves into the clear container.

 _"Ohh, Michael,"_ mused John Kramer ruefully from his impenetrable hiding place. _"You really were a virgin before this, weren't you."_

[BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM] [BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM] [BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM]

Above the pair, it seemed as if the ceiling were seceding entirely, tiles and panels plummeting down all around.

 _"Brace yourselves, Blapp…"_

"Would you stop mashing up our names like that AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

[WHOOOOOOSSSSSSHHHHHH]

 _"I had watched Willy Wonka not too long ago. The original one, not the freakish Depp travesty and all. The idea of the floating elevator was something I wanted to try really, so here it is for you._

 _"Even I get kind of sick of all these 'Games' from time to time, so I decided to kick this one into the speed round the last few minutes. You're free to go…for now. Enjoy the parting gifts as well."_

Sarah looked to a corner of the cube and a small impression she had not noticed before. Lifting up a small latch, she found something that really set her heart soaring.

"Chocolate-covered cherry health hypos!"

And more flavors beyond that than there were varieties of effing salt water taffy.

 _"Know this, though. I want for the two of you to come back and visit so that between you both, and me, and David (who is alive), and the literal Sing Song of Melissa and Carla, we can all be…SAWingers together._

 _"Otherwise…I will bring you back here once again on less than ideal terms."_


End file.
